Forty years ago I suddenly and unexpectedly couldn't get on a plane. One step forward and I'd have been on it, instead I turned and fled. And so followed too many years grappling with an abject fear of flying complicated with the constant wondering - why? Thirteen years ago, whilst training to qualify as an NLP Master Practitioner, the root cause of my fear was revealed and it had nothing to do with planes or flying! Since then I have researched aerophobia - yes, there is a special name for it - and complied case studies, exercises, information of both aviation and mindset/mind change and tips. Bespoke appointments deliver a complete cure whereby my many past clients can at least get on a plane without the anxiety once felt, and others are finally enjoying the flying experiences.
Please contact me if you’d like to know more. I use Zoom for my international clients online face to face appointments.
For national and international buyers of Release the Fear and Fly:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1788086856/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481885333&sr=1-1&keywords=release+the+fear+and+fly
For national buyers:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/release-the-fear-and-fly/linda-c-gillatt/9781788086851
This Release the Fear and Fly Forum on Facebook is a place to help and support each other who suffer from this fear/anxiety. Please be kind to each other with no judgements or opinions - just kind support.
https://www.facebook.com/releasefearandfly/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel
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HALLOWEEN! A CELEBRATION OF FEAR! (whoever thought scaring kids was a good thing?)
So here’s the thing....................
FEAR! Let’s talk about fear? Our mind’s first reaction to anything unexpected. When you first set eyes on that word ‘fear’ how did you react? Heart beat quicken? Shallower breathing? Muscles tensing? Scary? Just because you read the word? Yes, but when you recognise its actually protecting you things become clearer. In those first few seconds of actual ‘surprise’ the mind in survival mode is beginning to trigger adrenal glands to give you the extra energy and strength to fight or flee from whatever’s been presented.
What’s happening?
When faced with a potential threat, the mind fires an alert reaction to the body setting off adrenaline and cortisol (a natural steroid) to prepare for fight or flight. We’ve all experienced these times. Muscles ready for a fight, mind maybe thinks ‘no, too big to fight’, so the flee thing comes in and using those pumped up muscles the mind screams ‘run’! Breathing becomes shallower, not to make you feel horrible, but to prepare you for running or fighting – it’s a natural thing. We even have a freeze reaction whereby there’s the thought ‘if I stay absolutely still and quiet, maybe the ‘threat’ won’t notice me and move on’. Of course that still means the mind sending messages to the body, ‘don’t move!’ ‘don’t breathe!’
When we acknowledge that this fear reaction rather than being an enemy is actually life-saving we can begin to see how beautifully in sync our minds and bodies work.
In many respects, ‘fear’ is our friend. Harness fear and it can be controlled and appreciated, even motivational.
Overload fear though is more harmful. Blotting out any good. Feeling sick from an over production of Adrenalin, sweaty, heart pumping, struggling for air. Mind and body coming together but going extreme and awry! Stop! Stop! How do I make it stop?
Two simple actions to take, so simple we don’t give them credit for their powerfulness.
1. Breathe! Breathe deeply, filling those panicky lungs and allowing those deep intakes of oxygen to loosen tight muscles, moving from the fear/flight/freeze position to ...... breathe...taking control....safe. Breathe before you lose it and breathe again, deeply.
2. EFT Tapping. Becoming the go-to place for all sorts of situations, thoughts, reactions. In the case of ‘fear’, tapping is taking control over whatever is the concern/issue – and that’s a good thing because when you take control, you are not being controlled. With a pedigree of 5000 years history, over 250 positive peer reviews and even acknowledged by Harvard Medical Studies, EFT now referred to as ‘Energy Psychology’ has its valid place in the therapeutic world. Over 8 years ago Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Rick Leskowitz, director of the Integrative Medicine Project at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital called it "the most impressive intervention I’ve encountered in 25 years of work.” Tapping works! And its something you can do all by yourself! A very useful tool in your well-being toolbox.
So here’s the thing......
The worldwide pandemic changed so very much and at a shocking rate! As we come out of it, we’re faced with a familiar but changed world. We’ve changed!
Fear, is still there, lurking in the shadows. Lives are changed, some for ever, and if that fear isn’t harnessed now it will have a negative effect invading thoughts leading to actions and non-actions, stress, greater confusion – because let’s face, we’ve been given relative freedom now, but with the attachments – how long will they last? What impact is a mind and body stuck in disharmony have on your health and well-being – those vital components to a life worth living and celebrating?
Halloween! A celebration of FEAR! (whoever thought scaring kids was a good thing?) An early learning lesson of acknowledging fear from a safe place equals rewards of the sweet kind?
And to those adults on the 31st of October who close their curtains, turn off the lights and hope that the glow of the tv set won’t give the game away that you’re hiding from marauding kids demanding ‘treats..........breathe – you’re safe!
Happy Halloween!
From Linda.
Email: linda@welcomecoaching.com
IMPOSTER SYNDROME© by LINDA GILLATT
www.welcomecoaching.com
Do you look at people looking at you and wonder what or who do they see? Can you see yourself? Do you want them to see you/hear you? Do the words you say to others sound hollow, even to your own ears? If they reach out to touch you, do you feel worthy of that touch? Or do you ache for the touch of another in the hope it’ll help you feel worthy?
Imposter Syndrome - I’ve thought about this mental pattern for a good few years, not least because I too felt like an imposter throughout various aspects of my life and careers. What was this ‘thing’ that had me wondering why I couldn’t see what others apparently could see of me? It was as if I were two distinct and different people. The ‘outer me’ had successes, even proof of those successes, yet.......there was an ‘inner me’ who felt like a fraud. Who didn’t deserve any positive results, rewards or successes. And worse – that I’d be found out at some point and earn the scorn of those around me, and effectively driven out of the herd, losing all that I had worked hard for and rightfully earned yet never personalised.
Over the past few years I’ve researched this syndrome, and had case studies that have led me to the following conclusions.
We are born with brains that have been taking in and absorbing information even whilst in the womb. The acceleration in learning in those early years is massive. So, what have we learnt? We’ve learnt to know we’re brilliant. We can do anything we turn our minds to. That we are supported and loved and encouraged to reach for even impossible heights. Think of going from lying helpless in a cot to running in a relatively short space of time. The number of times those small legs wobbled, fell, over-balanced........and got right back up again. Think of the joy that compulsion created, the encouragement and rewards?
As we begin to grow up, we learn to make the most of our ‘looks/presentation’ because they’ll open doors. Our brains are told we can become highly respected rocket scientists or billionaire models if we wish. If we concentrate on being kind, that we’ll be accepted and loved. That an apprenticeship in any industry is just a mere stepping stone to becoming the CEO. There are millions of messages from millions of books, magazines, tv programmes directed at us, and we take it all so personally – because we’re meant to.
Some succeed, some don’t but each pays a price.
Yet, remember what else we were told. ‘Don’t get too big for your boots’. ‘Why did you do such a stupid thing?’ ‘You missed an easy goal.’ ‘You can’t go out looking like that!’ So very many discouraging things have been said to us albeit by well-meaning, even loving parents, teachers, friends and so on. People who love you. Cared enough about you to protect you from failure, the failures I suspect they had experienced themselves. All becoming a subliminal language of do this/think this/say this and society will accept you and treat you well. (Rather than be an ‘outsider’ with all the disadvantages that brings). And then ‘their’ voice becomes your voice – critical, damaging, distorting, contaminating a healthy mind/life.
So can you see where perhaps the roots of ‘Imposter Syndrome’ began? Add to this, growing bodies. Bodies that begin to feel uncomfortable, bewildering even, unrecognisable, and for young girls a relentless transition into ‘womanhood’. For boys to ‘muscle out’ in both mind and body, don’t cry you’re a man. No wonder we lose sight of ourselves.
And of course, let’s not forget our harshest critic – ourselves. How’s that for self-belief?
Sound familiar? Feels about right? Is this what you see in yourself?
I’ve had clients coming to me with this issue for years. It seems to invade every aspect of their lives. There is such a distinct disconnect which of course creates angst, erodes self-confidence. And it doesn’t matter where they come from, different socio-economic backgrounds, religions, sexual orientation, genders, agelessness, cultural ..... there is one common denominator – they all suffer from the Imposter Syndrome.
They are in jobs where they’ve worked hard, achieved so much but simply can’t enjoy the efforts of their labours because – they feel like an imposter. And there are those who haven’t reached much height in anything, simply because that critical voice in their heads talked them out of anything they really wanted to achieve. But always that underlying silent voice in their heads ‘you could have so much more, be happier, more content – love yourself.’
Relationships aren’t exempt either. The prevailing thought being what did I do to deserve this? I believe that in too many cases a person with Imposter Syndrome attracts toxic, damaging relationships whereby the aggressor hurls insults to hurt, and the sufferer believes because isn’t that what their inner voice is telling themselves all the time?
I’ve had clients up to the age of 80 years of age who now finally accept themselves and see how truly magnificent they are, so it’s never too late.
If you recognise yourself in this, get in touch. There is a brilliant NLP construct that can demolish this syndrome within a short time, usually within the one appointment.
Or, you can construct in your own mind those times when you were successful, when you did achieve against odds and really REALLY pay attention to how you did it. What pattern could you create from it, and how you can use that pattern as a future plan and allow yourself to discover and believe in the person you really are? Don’t leave it any longer. Its time! You are valuable and you are definitely worth it!
Warmest, Linda
www.welcomecoaching.com
I
STEP UP AND SPEAK OUT
“You want me to be your Best Man? Oh mate – that’s great, thanks! I’ll do the best job! I can’t believe you’ve asked me over all your other friends! Such an honour and I accept! You’ll have an awesome stag party, I promise not to lose the ring, I’ll get you to the altar on time, oh wow! This is awesome, thanks again! What do you mean I have to make a speech? You mean in front of everyone? Stand up, alone, speak? No, no……….haven’t changed my mind!” (Feeling a bit sick now, the speech thing is already stressing me out! Public speaking’s my worst nightmare!)
So! Father of the bride – your bank account may be taking a whacking, but you’re enjoying doing all this for your beautiful daughter! Looking forward to walking her down the aisle? Basking in the limelight as Father of this beautiful Bride? “Speech? I have to……..” Please see above!!
Perhaps it’s no surprise that top of the list of Greatest Fears is public speaking! According to a popular survey, this fear is greater than fears of death, spiders, heights et cetera. It even has its own name – glossophobia!
If you’re one of these people you’re in the company of 75% of people who experience anxiety to varying degrees at even the thought of public speaking. Small consolation when it’s you who’s to deliver a speech – and usually a very important one at that!
Thankfully more and more people are turning to hypnosis and other supporting aids to control that anxiety to the extent of being able to anticipate ‘that day’ with confidence.
Don’t let speech-making spoil your day! A couple of sessions with me, building up your confidence and having NLP/Hypnoexercises/tools/techniques to maintain that confidence on the day will allow you to enjoy the experience……….and the applause!
Given availability, I can also attend the event for on the spot support – just ask!
STEP UP AND SPEAK OUT!